⚠
Strained
Grunting
Red faced
Glistening
Teeth clenched
Bearing down with all my might
The second I feel it slide out of me
I know everything is going to be okay, again
What if that was it
My one chance
And what if
I never
Get another chance
Ever again
⚠
I walk around
N u m b
Frozen solid
All the time
It isn’t that
There’s nothing here
It’s just that
Whenever A feeling starts
To form
I chuck it
Right into
That black hole
That sits
Right
here
Where it can’t hurt me
Ever again
You said it would hurt YOU more than it hurt ME.
I’ve been hurting for over 30 years.
What about you?
⚠
“You went out there a boy and came back here a man”
Only.
I don’t feel like a man.
I don’t feel human at all.
I feel like something fundamental.
Something sacred.
Has died.
Not in an instant.
No.
Slowly.
Like it was strangled.
Intimately.
Drawn out.
Savoured.
All the while carving pieces out of my flesh.
Until, by the end.
I was more scar than man.
I walk around
not whole
incomplete
knowing that
were I to have it
to give in
cave in
succumb
that it would destroy me.
So.
Destruction
or
Incompleteness.
Which one will it be this time?
No matter how small
misshapen
bad
or impossibly angled
I will fit
anywhere you put me
so long
as it is somewhere
where I can see you.